... and hyperbole does not exist in my life.

We flipped on "How It's Made." For some reason, she likes watching the show with me. It's so... mesmerizing. I can't explain WHY, but I watch it all the time.

Anyway, as soon as we turn it on, we see a flat piece of metal, just a cut-out shape of sheet metal, going by on an assembly line. Real basic spade shape, but no definition to it at all. She looks and says "I think that'll be a shovel!"

Just, of all the things it COULD have been, it's still just a flat, two-dimensional, vaguely spade-like shape, and she's figured out that it's going to be formed into a shovel. That's like visual-spacial relationships and ****.

And, of course, she was right. She figured it out before me!

Smarty-pants.

Just got back from a few days' vacation, including a much needed kid-free excursion to do some wine drinking in the Finger Lakes. Stayed at a really nice B&B up in Penn Yan, NY, nice little place with private cabins; the intimacy of a B&B with some privacy for when we wanted to get, uh... intimate.

Got a chance to do some samping at four wineries, and got to take a tour at Glenora. The guide was shocked that I knew what a "wife thief" was; in her years of giving tours, she claimed I was the first person who knew what the name of it was. This was actually a lot of fun, we got to do a tour of the facilities, got to see all the equipment, got to take a barrel tasting and do some food + wine pairings.

Couple things that were surprising to me. Our guide seemed enthralled that we were actually interested in the process and really were paying close attention to what we were sampling, trying to identify flavors, trying to really understand what we were drinking. She told us that most of the time, she questioned why people even took the tour, since they had no interest in the process, and that she always seemed to be serving a bunch of drunks. It was really... surprising to get that sense that most of the people who take the time to visit wineries don't really pay any attention to what they're drinking. A bit sad...

I'm also surprised at how it seems that even really nice wineries make a lot of ****ty wine. Everyone seems to make about ten or fifteen different wines, using probably seven or eight grape varieties. We'd have some really nice, dry, sophisiticated reds, then working our way up the sweetness spectrum would be subjected to the most vile, sweet, artificial tasting crap. Kool-Aid. We toured Bully Hill last year, which is crappy, fake-tasting, way backsweetened crap, but at least they're consistent; that's what Bully Hill makes. What's wrong with a winery specializing? What's wrong with making a few great dry wines, maybe a Cab and a Shiraz, and maybe a nice white, and forgoing the crap? What's wrong with figuring out what you're good at, and focusing on that? We had some phenomenal wine this weekend, but also a lot of crap and a lot of medicore stuff.

I'm surprised at how noticable a very small percentage change in residual sugar (like, from 1.0% to 1.5%) is.

We had a phenomenal dinner at a small local place, all fresh and seasonal ingredients. I was especially impressed with how they approached our request for some help picking a bottle of wine; not only did the hostess clearly know her ****, she gave us a bottle of something that was pretty much spot-on what we asked for and was also only $20 a bottle. We ask for a fairly dry, spicy table wine that would be complementary to our dinners (fortutiously, we've learned we both really like the same types of wines). The hostess gives us a bottle that's not only exactly what we were looking for, but also one of their lesser-priced offerings. I wish I had thought to jot down what the name of the wine was...

Kinda related to our experience with the tour guide, she complimented us on how we asked her for a wine recommendation. Again, I got the sense that most people who entered her establishment didn't really know or didn't really care about what they were drinking. Makes me sad.

All in all, a very good time. No beer, but lots of wine, some great food, some nice smokes, and a real relaxing place to stay. Really nice to be food and wine snobs for a few days!

Even my wife knows... I *need* to freakin' brew! I'm burned out at work, I've just been feeling dragged down and worn out, and I'm blaming the empty fermenters!

Weather looks like it's going to be decent; actually, Friday looks gorgeous, maybe I'll take a personal day (I work enough on the weekends anyway). I'm thinking about basically squeezing three beers in.

Before the summer is out, I'd like to re-brew the spiced American wheat, using grains of paradise and some sweet orange peel. I'm thinking, though, about also FINALLY doing the Berliner Weiss. Just had some of the DFH Festina Peche, which my wife likes and I'm kind of intrigued by.

I'm thinking about collecting about nine gallons of wort and using that for both beers. Boiling for ten minutes, pulling off three gallons, cool that, and put it in the 3-gallon carboy with some lactobacillus and US-05. Let it ferment out for a while, then add either some peach puree or some of that peach "nectar" that you can buy in the juice isle (just peach juice and a little sugar, I think).

Finish boiling the rest of the wort, with the spices and orange peel, for another fifty minutes (adding them in the last five minutes).

Also, I want to re-do a smoked porter. I've got tons of malts kicking around, five or six pounds of rauchmalt, some chocolate malt and roasted barley and Maris Otter and various crystal malts. Probably do that beer a bit on the big side; maybe even almost in the vein of a smoked Russian Imperial Stout, or a smoked Robust Porter. Something big and thick and chewy and smokey and roasty and a little sweet. Winter beer.

I pretty desperately need to get an APA going again, too. It's frustrating the hell out of me, I have about a dozen beers I want to brew, all the ingredients to brew them, and no time. ARRRRGH!

The Bean started singing at dinner....






"Gone To The Moon," by The Fastbacks

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IKQNE0-U5dk

Happened to check Craigslist the other day, looking for beer gear. Found a guy not too far away selling a 15# CO2 tank and a dual-gauge regulator. So, I get talking to him, and find out he's got more stuff, too.

So, I'm getting the CO2 tank (which is out of date, but I can swap it and it's still half full), the reg, and four cornies in good shape for $165. Not the greatest deal in the world, but pretty good. The cornies would cost me $140 at the LHBS, maybe $100 - $120 if I bought them online (with shipping). The tank's bigger than my current one, it gives me a spare. Plus, I can use the smaller tank and the reg to start putting together a nice, pretty portable kegging station. I've committed to making the beer for a wedding next year, I'd like to have a nice system to show off (still thinking through the design).

So, I'm pretty stoked. Pick it all up on Friday.

I know how annoying those "what should I brew next?!" threads are, but since hardly anybody seems to read the blogs anyway...

Debating between a re-brew of a light American Wheat and a smoked porter. I *know* which beer I like better - but we've got some get-togethers coming up soon, and the wheat was a real big hit at the last party. Basically a spin from a BierMuncher brew, a real basic American Wheat, with just a little bit of light crystal in addition to some Pils and some wheat malt. The spin was using some Grains of Paradise, which I absolutely love, and which people seemed to like. Subtle, but with a bit of fruty spiciness to it.

But, the beer seemed a little flat to me, drinkable but not spectacular (it's not going in the database, in other words). So, I picked up a packet of sweet orange peel that I think I'll add next time. Give the beer another element to it, another layer of frutiness (without making a fruit beer), just another dimension to hopefully flesh it out a bit. I'll use that and the GoP, I think they'll be quite complementary.

I also have about five pounds of rauchmalt to get used up - as well as plenty of specialty grains (Munich, medium crystals, Special Roast, brown malt, chocolate malt, roasted barley) to pull together some kind of nice smoked porter. No idea what the recipe would look like, but I bought enough different grains last weekend so that I have plenty of options. I *love* me a smoked porter, but it's still a little early in the season for drinking them, and I do have plenty of stout on draft already (although that'll probably be blown by the time we come back from seeing all The Wife's Irish clan).

No time, unfortunately, to do two batches, I'll have to get up at 6:00AM just to get one in on Sunday.

Plus, I still have pilsner yeast in the fridge, some WLP550 to do a big-ass Belgian.... GRR! NO FREAKIN' TIME!

Well, quasi-.

First major dumpers. Beer I brewed probably a year ago, maybe more - a quasi-ESB. Can't remember the recipe other than I know it had some Munich in it, so it was never really to style.

I still don't know what happened. It started out WAY too fruity; I mean, it's supposed to have some esters, but this was WAY beyond what it should have been. So, I let it sit for a while (this was one of my first kegged beers).

Take a sample a month or so later - the fruitiness is gone, but unfortunately it was replaced by a real harsh flavor - almost what I'd imagine for some tannins. Real harsh, real unpleasant. But, I don't need the keg, so off it goes to the side...

Flash forward to this weekend, and I DO need that keg (thanks, Glibbidy ). So, gas it up and cool 'er down last night, pull a sample today...

And it's not bad. Pretty mellow, a little on the sweet side now. Not harsh anymore... and as it warms up, the cardboard emerges

Maybe I missed its peak six months ago. Who knows? I kinda wiped it from memory a while back. As I'm watching five gallons bubble away down the laundry sink, it did occur to me that the beer might have done my lawn some good, but alas...

There's a couple other old, crappy batches from two years ago that are soon on their way out. I'm contemplating a bottle washer for the basement sink, they aren't that expensive and it'd be useful. Once I buy that, I think I'll go in the backyard with a bottle opener and a box for the empties.

So, we're lying in bed, reading The Bean's current favorite book - the Home Depot Big Book of Tools. Love my girl; she knows the difference between Phillips-head and flat-head screwdrivers, as well as what needlenose pliars are (even if she thinks the latter are used for picking boogers). She was VERY excited to help me build her a swingset last weekend, even if all she could do was hold onto the tape measure and wander away, "measuring" things.

Anyway, she sees a picture of a bucket with a word on it, and starts reading off the letters...

"N... a... i.... l... s. Nai.... that spells NAILS!"

She got SO exciting; her eyes started bugging out, they looked to be about six inches in diameter, her face just erupted in the biggest smile. She can "read" a few other words, stuff that she's memorized like CAT and DOG and BABY. There's probably a good ten or fifteen words she's been able to "read" for the past six months or so (she'll be 3 1/2 at the end of July).

But, this was the first time she really applied her phonetics - knowing what an "N" sounds like, and what an "A" and an "L" sound like, and used that to decode a word on her own. VERY exciting for her (and for me), I could see the light bulb turning on in her head...

More good news; wifey told me last night "Why don't you go buy yourself a grill for father's day?" She knows I want one, she knows we'll use it a lot, and there's a party coming up in a few weeks that we could really use a grill for. So - yeah, me! I'll prolly be begging for recommendations (I think I've set a budget of not much more than a couple hundred, so definately an entry-level grill).

Starting to think about the weekend's plans. Weather sounds like it's to be gorgeous, so it'll be a shame not to brew.

I'm thinking... it's time to test the limits of my newfangled good efficiency. BARLEYWINE TIME! SMOKED BARLEYWINE!

Prelimiminary plan is around a 1.100 gravity, assuming 70%. I've got a sack of Marris Otter to act as base. Probably four or five pounds of rauchmalt (not home-smoked ) to use up. Maybe a couple pounds of Munich, and maybe a pound of whatever I have around for crytal malt (I *might* only have 20L).

I'll hop with maybe some of those Northern Brewer pellets I have kicking around, or I think I have a wee bit of Magnum to use up. Finish probably with some Fuggles (earthiness to complement the smokiness). I'm got a lof of American-type hops around, but I'm having a hard time imagining them in this beer.

Yeast; I've got a cake of 1056 from last weekend's brew, I'll just rack onto there.

Not exactly the 999 barleywine, but just using up what I have around and taking a practice run at this. I'll probably end up brewing the no-smoked 999, especially if I make this.

I also have some 550 kicking around and most everything I would need for a big Belgian Golden Strong.

The only challenge is that I need to coordinate this brew around the painting of The Bean's room. I'll probably brew on Monday. Wife's out of town for the weekend and taking The Bean with her, she's getting out of my hair so I can get the room painted - so it needs to get done!

I'm lazy and an idiot. Haven't built up my starter for Sunday.

I don't care what BrewPastor says, thank God for dry yeast!

Thinking now about doing a little summer brew, something like a little beer that BierMuncher made a while back with some peppercorns. I've got a couple ounces of Grains of Paradise that I could add to a Saaz- and Tettnag-hopped pale ale. Pilsner malt, maybe a pound of Vienna for a little character. US-05 to make life easy.

Either that, or maybe the Ginger Beer that Yuri was designing a couple months back. Anyone want to persuade me one way or the other? Looking for something that's a little spicy, but smallish (1.040ish OG) and quaffable.